Oh dear Nik-key, I'm so worried for you right now.

I'm so sorry for being so blunt, but I wonder if you have any support there besides the medication you've been prescribed? There is no way in the world, and this is just my opinion of course, that you could possibly deal with all you're dealing with right now without some personal support and I don't just mean online support, I mean real life support and real life professional support. Medications are fine to a point. They can help some people and they can help in certain circumstances.

Movies like the Notebook are really hollywood love stories. They're not real life, Niki. They're manufactured. Sure they play on the emotions and I actually loved the movie the way it was made, but I knew it wasn't reality because of my own experiences with people who have Alzheimer's. Reality and movies are totally different things.

Do you have anyone there to talk with there about the way you're feeling?
Please don't beg your god to take you both. That is so worrying to hear you say that.

Who is helping you through this most awful time? Do you have friends or family there with you? Do you have regular appointments with a social worker or someone in the medical field? Please tell us more about what steps you're taking to not feel this way.