hey pono,

I am so sorry that you're feeling this way...I think many of us can relate thus understand...

what IS hope...even by "definition" is hard to define what it is...

I think everyone has a different take on hope.

you know what I found hopeful? Is that you are taking the time to write out this post. That took a lot of energy, courage...and a bit of HOPE to get it posted...

whatever happened to you yesterday, please don't sit on it and let it eat you up. That's what usually blinds our hopes...

boy...talking about regrets, do I understand and can feel you...I've lived a life of regrets and build on one regret after another...

yet, there's this thing about learning from regrets and then build on it....

I think you're from Hawaii? We might be distantly related. Many many years ago, from the Canton (Guan Dong) province some of my ancestors came to the states and ended up in Hawaii. (but I think I'll call you my long cousin anyways. )

I wonder if you have that blood running in our blood that make us prone to regrets and then let it eat us alive...

I can't take away your regrets, but I can tell you that you can channel those regrets into something else...

when my dad first died, I was determined to change myself...

I went to a grocery store one day and the cashier was rude. I was really depressed and I beginning to go over the cycle of my father's death and my own regrets and guilts....

I stood there and thought all over to myself and I wondered maybe something has happened to her to be rude....

I told her that I hope she has a wonderful day and that whatever was bugging her, I with that it would get better...and I thanked her and I left...

I walked away feeling better....

rechanneling that regret, dear pono...maybe go somewhere and smile at a person that you know is rude....take some flowers to a very sick child that doesn't know you...walk by a stranger on the street who is begging and give him some food....not exactly those things but you know....

I love the way you post. It's unique and to the point. I wish I have that gift instead of typing out something long and dragging...

but I HOPE that your day(s) will get better and I HOPE that you'll find your self worth by seeing how many folks care about you...

((((BIG HUGS)))))