i've been wanting, trying to come back & write....
but don't know why....

its been another hard morning....
after another sleepless nite..
in the predawn darkness heard the birds ...singing in the rain....
heard them thru my silent sobs & pain
when i was lying on floor unable to move after another 'drop attack'
i didn't want to hear birds or get up...
but i did....

i got up
but don't know why ...
why
more pain, problems than i can handle --physically, mentally, emotionally

i thought i was stronger...
so many times of getting up, dusting off and carrying on...
tired & worn out, beaten up & down...
so down....

i've prayed for strength, courage, wisdom--whatever is needed to get thru but feel too weak & sick, on every level even spiritually now, to continue....