Barbara,
Can you contact the main headquarters of the policy holder, not the employer, and make the demand? I don't remember if you did or it was responded too.

I know you sent a letter but forgot if it was the policy or the employer,
Seems a long time has gone by without a response.
call and make a demand for payout, and put it in writing too by email and mail. If you speak to someone get their name and title.
Di