Colours, I am so very sorry for all the pain you have experienced in your short life. And to lose your dear brother on top of all of that is heart-wrenching.

I'm glad you are seeing a therapist. I do hope that things will improve for you. You deserve to be happy.

I left you a message earlier (on your profile page) before I read this post. Welcome to NeuroTalk. CheMar is right, we are a supportive community here, but you should really check out the link she posted.