Quote:
Originally Posted by GladysD
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Living with a Personality Disorder of any kind is tough, NP's being the toughest!
Here are some well recommended books that I've heard about through another message board, devoted to a specific pd.
The Wizard of OZ and other Narcissists" by Eleanor Payson
Why is it always about you?" by Hotchkiss
Will I Ever Be Good Enough?" by McBride
And 'Fatal Flaws' by Yudofsky
I, personally, have yet to tackle in depth the PD of Narcissism, but was planning a book or two for my summer reads.
I feel these books should be empowering, shine some light on what makes an NP tick, and learn some new communication techniques, that can be used in all manners of relationships.
And 'Look me in the eyes' by Robinson is written by a gentleman with Aspergers, and I've heard decent reviews, as it sheds light into this disorder. From what I understand about Aspergers', if not caught early in life, it can result in a personality disorder of some shape or form. Not catching early was not uncommon, even two decades ago. It's tough to diagnos, even with early intervention....so, I'm not surprised to hear that your son has these two disorders co-morbid with one another.
As far as the suicide threats, I know this is tough. Have you researched borderline personality disorder? There is a new book out there that speaks in laymans terms and helps communications...."The essential family guide to understanding borderline personality disorder"-Kreger. Though your son wasn't dx'd with that, you can learn tips and techniques for dealing with the suicide threats.
One being to set your own personal boundaries. If you threaten around me, I will not hesistate to call the authorities, and follow through. It's not up to you to rescue them from themselves.....
Tough love is tough, and I feel for 'ya! Hang in there!  |
Hi. And thank you for replying. I have researched every personality disorder on this planet. I did not read, however, that when aspergers is not caught early, that it morphs into a personality disorder. I believe this is what has happened.
We had him in counseling most of his life because of his disruptive behavior in school when he was 6 or so. One therapist told us "he needs to feel loved, so go out and buy him all new clothes". We did. Nothing changed.
Another therapist said "when he has meltdowns, he must know that you will not tolerate it, so you must discipline him with a hairbrush (and never use your hands because hands should only show love).
Well, for some unknown reason, this worked. His dad gave him the spanking of his life when he was 8. I think he had one more spanking after that and he NEVER HAD ANOTHER MELTDOWN TILL HE WAS 15.
I don't believe in corporal punishment, but then again, I never thought I would have a kid that I had to bring to Rahway prison and do the Tough Love meetings with. (But this did indeed happen).
I believe in accountability. He has never been accountable for anything he has done after he moved away home. They have given him EVERYTHING.
He never had to work for a thing. He doesn't believe he has to. He has such self indulgent theories, I will never understand his way of thinking.
As far as the suicide thing, he had done this for years. It's how he gets his way. He knows that they will pick him up and take care of him, and they always have. I think this is appalling and he knows this.
He needs intensive therapy but they can't force him.
After I made my initial post on this board, two days later, a social worker from the hospital in Vegas telephoned me. She introduced herself and I said:
"Hold on please, I know exactly what you are going to say, I have been down this road MANY TIMES". I was polite and I informed her.
She knew I wasn't sending him any money.
Yesterday he emailed me saying "Just wanted you to know that I am home and that a friend in Second Life is wiring me $40 to cover me for the month, and thank god that I have friends in Second Life".
I asked him "What did you learn from losing everything in Vegas" and he replied; "I learned never to go back unless I'm rich because Vegas will eat me alive".
Then I, of course, counseled him about going for therapy, and going to GA (knowing it would fall on deaf ears).
He wrote me back "If I could not gamble, I would kill myself" I hate life, blah blah blah blah.
It's the same old story. It's like he copied and pasted his thoughts from 7 years ago. He has not grown (mentally) in any way, shape or form.
It's like he's stuck in immaturity land and he won't go anywhere.
I cannot take any more of his behavior.
I won't do this to myself, nor will I let him do it to my husband.
We deserve to be happy.
If he wants to lead a miserable life, (and believe me, there have been options for him), but he refuses any of it.
There is really nothing we can do.
I do, however, appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts.
Thanks so much.
Melody
P.S. His diagnoses when he was a kid were ADD, ADHD, OPPOSITIONAL DEFIANCE DISORDER, you name it, he had it. Everything EXCEPT Aspergers.
Nothing more to be said.
Mel