first want to Thank ALL for caring concern, outreach , support & more
i
wanted- tried to personally reply,
i'd like to go back & respond to all ... if i don't please know that each every word thought prayer were /are LifeLines
i didn't feel i had the strength to hang on or if i wanted to "hold on" any longer.... but i'm still here.....

My life now feels like a bizarre dream, crazy carnival = full of 'tricksters", scams & games i don't like, want nor know how to play....
like being stuck on those 'thrill' rides i don't like- like roller coaster.... sickening , nauseous, dizzy shaking confused, scared...
want it to stop; get off/out; ready to jump rather than continue on & on...
in the slower upward climbs begin to see, feel HOPE but then in intense downward drops, lose it.....

ups down all arounds continue....
mornings still hardest for some reason
but 'breakdown' can do occur anytime, place...

HopeLost & Found,
find lose, again..and again.... as these storms continue......
spring storms now ... Spring ... {gonna try hold those thoughts for thread (((Moi))) began--on beginning of Spring....

Realize HOPE is not actually Lost, but obscured -- like the sun lite on this foggy gray morn,
'hidden' by huge cloud of Pain Grief Losses more...

pray... this too shall pass....