Dear Kathy -

This is a great idea for a thread, thank you.

In a nutshell, I have two boys, ages 16 and 11, which is significant, because my older son has lots of memories of hikes we did in the local mountains before I got sick in 2001, whereas my youngest has none at all. To be entirely candid, I didn't realize how hard this was for him until around the time he was 9 and I made reference - when the family was all assembled - to a time when his brother and I had found the skeleton of a deer in a stream, where it had been apparently attacked by a mountain lion, and he burst into uncontrollable sobbing, saying that he had NEVER been able things like that with me, at which point we knew I had struck a cord. This, notwithstanding the fact that we had been in Indian Guides together for a couple of years, often with the other dads taking the laboring oar. Then, shortly thereafter, our baby sitter to told me he had confided to her that I was a "heroin addict," apparently because he could see me getting sleepy after taking narcotic analgesics. (She promptly explained to him that I was just taking the medicines my doctor had prescribed for me.)

In terms of how to handle it, I have gone out of my way to include him in activities. We play frequent chess games, and although my nationally ranked little boy almost always trounces me, he genuinely enjoys the engagement. (A couple of months ago I actually checkmated him in a move that he didn't see coming: we were both thrilled.) I've also tried to explain to him what medicines I take and why. He's also benefited from a little psychotherapy, not much; a few sessions seemed to do the trick. But more importantly, I'm fortunate that my CRPS regularly is worse in the afternoons than the mornings, on account of which my wife has gotten good at fashioning weekend activities first thing in the morning, when I can be at my most active. And that seems to be a big help. Along those lines, we've gone out on YMCA fishing cruises that leave from a local harbor at 8:00 a.m. and return by Noon, and he has been thrilled!

That said, I'm a little nervous about the final Y Trailblazers' event before he graduates from sixth grade this spring, "rustic camping," e.g. tents, followed by white water river rafting on the Kern River. Because I couldn't hitch a ride with any of the other dads (everyone else has to hightail it back for a school event) and I can't drive that far, my wife is driving us up, spending the night in a local hotel, and picking us up the next day. I haven't had the heart yet to tell him that I will not be able to join him on the actual river raft trip (20 wet miles down a snow melt fed river) but that has to be done. That, and renting the necessary camping equipment, practicing setting it up in the back yard, etc.

As to my oldest, lately I'm sitting in the passenger seat while he works off the 50 hours behind the wheel that's required before he can test for his driver's license. Often, it's at times when I would be too uncomfortable to drive myself, but that doesn't prevent me from riding in the passenger seat. Turns out, it's been the most time since I can remember that we've been alone and really interacted together.

Please forgive me for going on so, but for me the moral of the story is simple: engage, engage, engage.

Mike