That's very deep "ASB"

I can identify with all those thoughts/emotions and then some. I think the old song "Just a closer walk with thee" would help us both.

I do thank God and my Lord Jesus Christ for all I am and all I have. I'm not pushing any domination. This is my spiritual connection, and I believe it with all my heart. I sin daily. I'm just a lowly human, with a forgiving and loving father. I too hold back and am sure/believe I pay the price for that. I'm a work in progress, with His help I will mature and do his will. That's what it takes, I do believe. My balance is off, on the right side, so it makes me walk a little sideways at times, but God still loves me. and I'm so thankful for that peace I feel and I know where it comes from.

Listen to your heart...