Originally Posted by screwballpookie

Hey sbowling,

Thanks for the reply. It does help to have support and I feel you guys are the only support I have. My husband don't want to deal with it. All we do is fight over finances due to us having to pay for meds which costs a bundle a month. I am trying to get my attorney to respond but it seems lately he is to preoccupied with his other cases. I keep calling him and still get no response so that sure don't help with my husband and I fighting. I am trying so hard to keep up to everything and it feels that I can't do it anymore. My daughter which is 13 yrs. don't even want to spend time with me. She would rather be on the phone or computer. I can't seem to get anyone to help support me and I cry alot during the days because I feel so alone. Yes I am seeing a psychiatrist once every two weeks and they have diagnosed me with PTSD. I try to get through everything, but it is so hard. I can't get much help from my daughter or my husband. I am so worried about my legs. I have no diagnosis, but I think I know what is wrong with them. I am still trying to get my attorney to talk to me about a neurologist, but I keep getting know reply from him. I feel like I am so alone in this world and sometimes I just can't take it anymore. Sometimes I scream into a pillow during the day when i am alone. I am alone alot. My daughter goes to school at 7:40 am and gets home at 4:00pm. My husband is a truckdriver and gets home when he gets home.So I guess being alone this much doesn't help me at all. We are just so short on money that I can't really go for drives because my husband says I am wasting gas so when I do go shopping I spend sometimes 4 hours at wal-mart just looking so I can be out of the house. My husband gets mad at me for that because I don't need to be gone that long. I realize he is under stress as well with being the only one bringing the income in, but he has to realize I am trying as well. I tried to get a job when I lost my job over this injury for one and a half years and gave up because I was getting no where except putting myself further into depression. At that time I still had no idea what was wrong with me it took the docs 3 years to diagnose me with rsd and by then it was to late to even try and put it in remission. I went back to school and got an AA degree in Health Information Technology, but look at me still today. I still can't get a job so I just gave up. I didn't know what else to do. I have been trying to get disability and have been denied 4 times. I got an attorney to help me appeal it and social security said that we were 5 days late at appealing so we have to start all over. So I just got done filling out 2 packets for them and by the time I was done I was in so much pain, but I kept pushing myself because I knew it was to try and help get the stress off my husband. Now I sit and wait again. In the meantime I still have no idea what is wrong with my legs all I know is they hurt,are weak and tired. They give out from underneath me for no reason at all so that is why I am using my special crutch that was made for me after having my last knee surgery. I don't have to put any weight on my hand, but the grasping is something that really hurts. The doc said to use a cane or a walker, but I feel i will still have the same problem with grasping. I am just so scared of being in a wheelchair at such a young age. I am 36 and I don't think I am really ready to be in a wheel chair. I don't know how to deal with my legs right now let alone try to deal with a wheel chair. I have not said anything to the doc about grasping the crutch because I am afraid he will want to put me in a wheel chair. How do I deal with all this pressure? Do I say something to the doc and pray to god there is another way so I don't have to be in a wheel chair or do I just keep my mouth shut? Please help. I am so scared and confused. What do I do?

Thanks for taking the time to read about my babbling. Sometimes I just don't know when to stop. I am sorry.

Sincerely,
Tracy Tracy(screwballpookie)