I'm wondering if you might be suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Copper.

Obviously the event that led you here to this forum was traumatic, I know mine was. Emotional problems following any traumatic event can sometimes go on for a long time after the incident. I developed panic attacks, something I'd never had before in my life, so I too suffered from PTSD for some time. I was lucky in that I only suffered for about 6 months, others suffer for many years.

When reading about PTSD, I saw many articles that referred to increased drug and/or alcohol consumption following any traumatic event. I guess it could be a way of coping, or it could be a way of avoidance..... blocking out the issue, I don't know which.

PTSD sufferers may resort to alcohol or illicit drugs to block out unwanted memories & feelings. According to the Australian Centre for Post Traumatic Mental Health (1999), approximately 50% of men and 25% of women with chronic PTSD have drug and alcohol issues ... http://www.anxietyaustralia.com.au/a...raumatic.shtml

Have a look at PTSD, and if you think this might fit how you've been feeling, mention it to your GP. Maybe he/she will be able to help.