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New Member
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 5
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New Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 5
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Drew, I am new here, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for you losing your partner. I know how tough that would be for you right now!!
I have been with mine for 4 years now and believe me I know my pain has put a strain on our relationship. I met him just 5weeks before my last fusion and I NEVER thought he would hang around afterwords. But he did. Amazingly enough!! We are due to get married this September  but I know there are days when i shout and scream at him because I am in so much pain and he will keep telling me to stop and to stop pushing him away. Sometimes I think I do it cos I can't believe he still puts up with me, other times I'm in so much pain I don't care if he left!! However there have been a few occasions when he has walked out and I have felt like my world has fallen apart, so I do understand how upsetting and painful it is. I have ended up having to beg him to come back and promise that I will stop pushing him away but there are times I just don't realize I am doing it and times when I think he would be far better off with someone other than me. Someone he could actually have a "life" with!!
I am in so much pain all the time that we can't organize anything really. I can't tell him that on Saturday, for example, we'll go out and do something, cos I don't even know if I'll be able to get out of bed!!! 
Life can be extremely cruel, and it seems to happen to those of us who have spent their lives trying to do all the right things!!
My heart goes out to you, and I hope you have friends around you to support you through all of this. I used to be a member of the '**' forum before I met my partner, and believe me that forum kept me going and stopped me from ending it all when the pain just became to intolerable to manage anymore. I made some great friends, granted they were all half way across the world, but they were always there when I needed them, and visa versa. As they helped me I helped them, finally finding that I did have a purpose to carry on. Seemed hard to see at the time but in theory that's what happens.
I had found that because of always being in pain my friends here no longer wanted to know and I was basically left on my own, isolated, in a new area as I'd just moved house, knew no one around me and only had one true friend who was there for me regardless of what state I was in, when she was able to.
I'll be thinking of you and feel free to stay in contact, I'm happy to talk, regardless of the time.
Take care
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