I use up enough bandwidth as it is. But I am coming out of a trough now, having been through a month of hell. Like Steve, I have been noticing some things about emotions and how they affect my ability to function.

As I have mentioned before, I was a real estate developer for the last eight years and have been fighting to salvage something from the wreckage. That comes down to eleven old mobile homes that were in such bad shape that the bank didn't want them as collateral back when the loan was made. So the plan is to fix them up and sell them cheap and on credit to have a small income for three or four years. Unfortunately, most of the "fix up" part falls on my already stressed out, anxiety racked wife. Things have been very tense in our home for the last month, to put it mildly.

As a result, I had the conditions to observe a de facto experiment on the way stress hits my symptoms. All my life I have been the proverbial "cool cucumber" sort. The only thing that could get to me were things that affected her. Everything else rolled away like water off a duck.

So, I found myself trapped by PD and unable to escape as she became more and more distraught, racked by fear, frustration, rage, and a dozen other emotions. I was literally in "melt down". I found myself more than once curled up on the floor too weak to move.

As the work has progressed, her load has lightened and the atmosphere improved. But I had doubled my meds and was still barely functional. And the slightest mention of the project by her was like someone let the air out of my balloon. Even worse, I noticed that it was not just the topic, but I was reacting to her! Then I remembered something Harley had said when her marriage was falling apart. About how the doctors had noticed that her symptoms got worse when her soon-to-be-ex was in the room.

I had developed an aversion to my wife as a result of the combination of her intense emotion combined with my own trapped helplessness! Just as Harley had developed one for her ex! Once I realized what was going on, I used self-hypnosis and the fact that the worst was over to regain control of the reaction. I have improved greatly over the last week and am nearly back to normal, for me.

The experience has left me a lot to think about. At the worst stage she was filled with rage at the world and I and three dogs would do our best to blend into the furniture. The situation brought up strong echoes from my childhood and my raging alcoholic father. Even though in both cases the rage was not directed at me, still the feelings were the same. Trapped. Helpless. Awash in stress chemicals.

Much to think about, indeed.