I'm sorry you're suffering like that. I've been there for many years. 24/7. No matter what happens, where you go, what you do or what you lose because of your pain, you can depend on your pain being there.

I hope you find a good, caring, experienced and doctor or therapist or something that gets you turned around. Get a plan with realistic goals. You'll need to adjust as you go. I think you have long time to go before you'll get to tolerable relief. Don't give up. I ran into (and paid for) a lot of jerkoffs in my quest for relief. I found a few. They really made the difference.

I do know that's a very low/dark period in my life. I know God brought me through because I wasn't able to take care of myself... or fight for myself, either. I took a lot of hard knocks and couldn't defend myself. It was a lonely, sad and disappointing time that I experienced. I could've done without it. I don't like to think too much about it. I get very emotional at times. I do understand.