Oh Erin, I know how you feel. I miss my old life too. It's been years and I still can't get used to the new me. I had so many dreams about how my children's lives would be and it didn't work out that way at all. I was 35 when my husband became ill with cancer and the next two years were filled with suffering until he died then three months later I gpt sick and seven and a half years later I'm still trying to get help. Here I am 44 and nothing went the way I thought it would.

If it's any comfort to you - and I know it may not be - I often wish I could be 35 again and get some of those years back. Sometimes I think my purpose in life is to comfort other people who can point to me and say, "at least I'm not her!!".

I hate not being able to work too. I understand how you miss that feeling of accomplishment and being able to think about something other than how cruddy you feel! It's so hard making plans again and again only to have them not work out.

One thing I did realize though is that my kids are just happy if I'm here with them. I spent so many years feeling terrible that I wasn't reading to them, taking them to the zoo, having their friends over all the time. But I did notice that when I was feeling better and off getting things done, they missed having me around all the time. Even if I was just lying on the couch. I try to remind myself that it would be hard on them if I were off at work too. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sure that your kids just love you and just want to be around you, even if they're playing nearby while you're resting.

I know it's so frustrating. Especially since you can't predict from day to day and hour to hour how you'll feel. I think that's one of the worst aspects too. This stinks, no doubt about it. Try not to get discouraged and take good care of yourself, the way you would with your own child, when you're feeling low.

Ally