egads, my cover is blown...I have been trying to be a search engine bot, sneaking around through posts to find some that wouldn't hurt me too much to read-and yet contain enough pain so I can connect-sometimes it works to only read ones a few days or weeks old-maybe the pain has eased a little, and the dear members are not as distraught as when they first posted-what a coward I am-I wonder at how cowardly I am-should have posted this is in the wonder thread...

egads again, just discovered I AM in the wonder thread-thought I was still in the Rainbow connection one...