Quote:
Originally Posted by mymorgy
thank you Mari
that kind of thinking isn't good for us but i don't know how to come to acceptance. I have been having the weirdest dreams and in them I am not bipolar and when I wake up I feel depressed. The world isn't open to us as it is to normals. Do you think we have to start paying attention to our strengths? Our emotions magnify so should we just try to expose ourselves to positive things? I have been living with so much fear the past months. I also don't know if it is a sign that i am getting older or my bipolar is getting worse.
bobby
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Yes.
The things that you mention are similar to what my tdoc has talked about.
She doesn't even let me spend much time complaining. I think she has encouraged me to be completely and fully aware of my limitations and to accept them and move on. I'm not supposed to try to change them or challenge them.
She seems to be guiding me to be at peace with what I have and to try to work with in those boundaries.
Most of the time I can do the peace thing to a certain extent. But then other times things can get too overwhelming. Not sleeping or having one extra meeting in the week or one extra thing to respond to can be enough to throw the whole balancing act out of equilibrium.
And I at work I feel like I am trying to "pass" as normal. It is exhausting and demoralizing for me to do this -- taking a great deal of energy to try to "cover."
I am aware that other folks go through the same thing and I am not the only one, but that generally does not make it easier.
Regarding positive things:
I told her almost all music (new or old) makes me sad and that music is not available to me as a tool to make me better because it brings up unhappy memories.
She said to create new memories. .. . something like if I hear a song in the car, I can tell myself something good about what is happening -- like today is a sunny day. . . . Then I can start making good associations with the song. Something like that. Her suggestion hasn't worked yet. Music makes me sad -- no matter what kind of music.
Maybe it is not about the memories anyway. Maybe music is emotional and the emotions it brings out are sad ones -- and this is unrelated to memories.
I'm sorry that you have been living with fear. Ordinarily I might suggest that that is related to anxiety and not so much about depression.
My tdoc sets an example of being practical -- that's how I see her anyway. She has told me almost nothing about herself, but that is how she presents herself and how she encourages me to be -- to be almost brutally practical about what I am facing.
She also is big about living in the moment. . . . she encourages self-talk for example and to deal with one thing at a time -- not to anticipate a future reaction.
Mari