My Nurse Practitioner told me yesterday that I may have OCD, Bipolar2, and psychosis. Well it's a relief to here some diagnostic evidence as to why I feel so bad emotionally believe it,or not. I also have that phobia,or panic disorder that I've had since I was a teenager. I have tons of rejection.

Well I guess that's why I'm having the loneliest year of my life. I feel like I'm in the fortress of solitude. I want to see people,and then I don't,because I don't want to get hurt.

I haven't been with my sister,or Dad,since before Thanksgiving. I think that my sister is still angry at me. I think that she is misdirecting her anger at me because of her MS. She's got allot on her plate,but so do I. Why don't these hardships bring us closer together. She turned little disagreements into big mountainous differences. I forgive her,but she has her back turned on me. This is the third time in my life that she has done this,and they where over little things. Why can't she just let these angers go?

They just don't understand these complicated mental health issues that I have. I don't understand them either,and she'd freak me out allot by some of the things that she said. Then she'd use terminology like,"I'd spaz out over things." It was also the way she said it. Oh well. That should have taught her that I have a hard time handling certain matters obviously. Oh well. I don't understand it either. She doesn't understand. Then she wanted me to move,and I have no place to move,or go.

I'm on 300,or 450 Mgs of seroquel a night. I'm going to fluctuate the amount of seroquel a night,to see if that's what's making my ear to ring. My NP said write down the dose that I take. She's increased my Xanax a little. I'm on the same dose of Luvox as before.

Is it hard to read what I'm writing? Is it too much? I haven't been getting to much feed back,after writing some of my posts in the last several months. BF

I could go on,and on,and on. I'll stop here. BF