I like to believe, no- need to believe, that I will see Dad again one day. Right now, I am not sure if I would hug and kiss him, or smack him first!

His suicide has left me with many issues and problems I never had before. I have talked about some of them with you, like my severe reaction when it snows

But, I have another one, one I haven't seen in any of the books I have read. I now, have an extremely hard time with goodbyes. Not just a hard time like I use to when someone I loved had to leave. Now, I completely fall apart.

It was saying a goodbye that brought that bridge and those thoughts to my mind. I am sure losing Lynn to this slow Alzheimer's death is also contributing to this, but I never had these feelings until Dad's suicide.

I feel nothing is solid any more. He told me he would always be here for me, yet, he didn't love me enough to stay. Now, I am reflecting the shock and hurt over his sudden loss to every goodbye I now say. It just rips me up inside. I feel so overwhelmed, like I just can not take one single more frigging goodbye!!

In surviving your loved ones suicide, did any of you ever have this particular reaction?