Thanks Daniella & Sherrie for your kind words.

I know it's wrong having the feeling that you can't move forward in any way, but I have that feeling (I don't want any part of RSD). I constantly feel like my body dictates me. I feel a victim to this unpredictable monster called RSD. I have to listen to it daily, as it tells me what I can't do over and over again, it's as if it has you on a leash and it pulls you and pulls you as you try and break free from it, just to take one more step, or to feel less pain. There's nothing I can do. The only power I have is saying, let's see what it does today. By witholding the breakthrough meds I want to see if it improves today, maybe today I won't need them. It's like I want to one day at least wake up at night feeling like I don't need to take more meds, that it's getting "better", while I know perfectly well that it's not getting better. It's kind of the hope that I can't let go of or maybe I hate not being in control of my own body, having to depend on things to make it function. And it's only my breakthrough meds I have these problems with, when the pain kicks in again... I freak out!

Summertime is great for me, in the sense that up until now (touch wood) I don't need to take as much breakthrough meds during that time. But the rest of the year can get pretty damn depressing.

It varies, I guess. Sometimes I cope better.