Hi,

I am on other forums here because of a neuro problem I'm having, but I am concerned at how my problems are affecting my husband.

He sustained a serious TBI last year (while I was doing well, thank God) that he is recovering from very well, but I believe I'm seeing some back tracking in his condition due to the stress my health is placing on him.

I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions. I want him to see his doctor about getting something to help with depression. He landed on the chair for 3 solid days and did almost nothing. I know his head injury makes him more prone to depression and I know that depression will cause problems with the head injury, too. He doesn't think it's necessary because he has good reason to be "bummed" as he puts it, but I am not physically or mentally able to help him out of this now.

I don't want to be overreacting, which I'm sure would make it worse for him, but I really think this stress is setting him back and I'm worried. I don't want my illness to slow or reverse his progress or aggravate his conditions if I can do anything to stop that.

He did make an appointment with his doc for Tuesday, but he said it's to get another presciption for pain meds for his back. I know his back does cause a lot of pain and he doesn't want surgery which is warranted and I don't blame him for that. I don't think he's trying to get the meds just to "escape" our stress, but I don't think he'll tell the doc what's going on and ask for help for that. Frankly, I don't even know if he's really aware of some of the things I'm seeing.

I'm seriously thinking about accompanying him to the doc and bringing it up myself. Past experience tells me that if the doc tells him the same exact thing I've told him it suddenly has meaning! (33 years of marriage and he still won't listen to me - HA). On the other hand, though, he doesn't always respond to things the same as he used to.

I don't want him to take it as me trying to switch attention to myself, as I'm explaining how my illness keeps me from doing things, putting it on him. And that's one thing I've noticed recently. Our past two experiences with my "bouts", he never complained a bit about me not being able to do anything although I know they took a toll on him. This time though, some days it's almost as though he thinks I did this on purpose to take the focus off him and his problems. I know his injuries have really cut down on his stamina and it's much more difficult for him, even physically, to meet the demands due to my illness. I try not to ask for any help I don't really really need, and I express my concern about him overdoing to help me. But I'm not sure his mind is working quite all the way right yet. At my neuro appointment, he blurted out about his brain injury in the middle of my neuro saying something. This isn't at all like him normally. Is he trying to tell her he can't deal with me? He would never say anything like that to me or anyone else, but I wonder if that's what he's thinking? Should I suggest that I go away to my moms for a while to give him a break from me? Or could that come across like I don't think he's doing a good job taking care of me (which would hurt him, I know).

Any input will be helpful. I know you don't know the man, but if anyone can help me gain some insight in to how the brain injury may be affecting him so I can better understand his needs now..... I love him so much, and he's the most wonderful husband on earth.

Thanks guys. Neurotalk rocks! It's nice to have so many different forums in one place. Life doesn't just throw one problem at us at a time, does it!