I understand you clearly.... I have had those thoughts more than once in my life.... I mean, why ? why do we or the ones we love have to suffer ? why those who were so good, so charming, so lovely have to suffer ? is that fair ?? why God permits this ?
I have questioning that several times....

I think there are pretty good books out there that talk about this and that can explain it way better than I could... hehe

One good book that had been recommended to me is one called like that, "why ?"

I want to read it.... perhaps it can help you too.