Holly,

I'm SO sorry to hear about everything that you, your family and grandmother are going through right now! Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I am here for you!

I also understand the 'Why' subject that you are dealing with now! My nanan suffered from Progressive MS since she was 38 years old and I always thought it was unfair that she had to deal with that and kept wondering why she had to suffer from all of that. She was the best grandma ever and always helped people and it was SO unfair that she had to deal with everything that she did during her lifetime! She passed away when I was 6 years old and whilst it was so very hard for all of us, I now know that she is at peace and is no longer suffering.

When I was 12 years old, I developed RSD (which is similar to MS) and went through the whole 'Why' situation again. I was really angry that I had been given RSD at such a young age and that I couldn't have a normal childhood. I still ask the why's but not as much now as I have been having input from my Psychologist.

When I was diagnosed with RSD, I also felt very sorry for my mum. She had been caring for my nanan since she was 13 years old so never had a normal childhood either really and I feel as though she shouldn't be dealing with all of this and should just have time to herself to be able to do everything she wants to. She is always telling me that it is OK and not my fault but I think I will always feel really upset for her.

In November last year, my grandad passed away at 68 years old. I went through the whole 'Why' situation again and still do sometimes. My grandad was great and so caring - everybody loved him. He was always raising money for Cancer charities, the hospital that diagnosed me with RSD etc and I thought it was very unfair that he died so young.

I guess my point is that all of these feelings are normal even though they might not seem like it now and that you aren't alone - I think all of us have dealt with the 'Why' situation at one time or another. I know that people say that God gives illnesses to good people to test them but it still seems unfair sometimes - especially when there are all sorts of criminials out on the streets and nothing ever seems to happen to them. I guess we will never really know why good things happen to bad people.

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this and please give your grandma a huge hug from me! I'm thinking about you all at this sad and difficult time!