I thought about it today. I thought about how to do it. I definitely have the means to commit suicide. I was thinking about ending my life,but I keep finding the strength to hang on to another day.

I was in grief,depression,and pain,and it kept getting worse this evening. It got heavier,and darker,and my emotional pain got deeper,and deeper. What is this? I'm so tired of it. I've been going through this for to many years,and people sooner,or later turn their back on me for some reason. I can't tell. They either don't like my personality,or my mental health issues.

My sister,and dad don't even want to see me. My mother has passed away,and from what I heard from my sister,she didn't like me either. These emotional problems are so misunderstood. Why didn't I get a physical disease that people understand because they can see it.

I will have more suicidal thoughts,and think about it. I have these thoughts very often. Sometimes it's a small thought,and sometimes it's a big thought. You can't tell the crises hot line,because they will call the police.

I'm still down. I'm still alone,but it sure helps when I reach over,and get my Bible,and read some of the Psalms. BF