Awww Mari, you're really feeling hard on yourself right now because of the recent loss of your collegue IMO. You can't blame yourself for the distant past, all you can do is work on the present and plan for the future. Now if I could only remember that...

But really, some people just don't know how good they've got it and take everything for granted....I like to meet people like that and kinda show off how great I think my disabled life is in spite of all my pain and trauma because doing that one simple thing, usually with complete strangers out in public, has generated many people's personal epiphonies, they come up and tell me how wonderful it is seeing me getting around FASTER and BETTER then they do. And I see the changes stirring in their expressions as they ponder their own lives and mortality.

I wish it worked like that with mental disorders, I suppose sometimes people think of my son that way, but not nearly as often as they are triggered to by my physical disability you know? Anyway, I just hope you feel better soon, some women are just mean and selfish no matter how good they've got it, they are never happy and always expect more...Men can be like that too, and if you're able to say your brothers are GOOD dads then be happy, you DID do right by them growing up.