I found this poem and wanted to share it with you Nikkey. The last 2 lines are so significant to me. I actually got satellite radio in my car so that I could listen to comedy radio during the first few months of my grief following my mom’s death. It helped to laugh. Some days, it was the only thing that cut through the tears and the pain.

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.
That myth is more potent than history.
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts -
That hope ways triumphs over experience -
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death."

It's controlling every minute of every day because you are just beginning the digging. It's not a matter of being so long ago; you will deal with now, what was not dealt with then! You are heading in such a powerful direction! You will make it through this stronger than you can even begin to imagine. You are doing what so many don't attempt!

Obviously there's a bigger plan in store for you, whether it be to come full circle for your own piece of mind, or perhaps when you've made it through the clouds, you will be able to help others. Time will reveal. You are discovering YOU ~ as sad as it may be.... it's such an amazing journey you've embarked on! Keep swimming....if you begin to get tired....ask God to carry you for awhile. He doesn't mind; been carried a few times myself.

All I can really say is that you are not alone we are all here for you and know you are in our prayers and we send you lots of hugs, you can do this even though your heart is incomplete and yes you can feel your heart break and you can feel your soul being ripped apart and you can feel reality literally bring you to your knees because you have lost someone so dear to your heart.

Do not let anyone put a timeline on it for you - it is individual to all of us - but you can lift yourself back up. You must use the strength of your love for each other to do this and I am sure your father is here in some way trying to propel you forward, take comfort in that. Think of him and all he would want from you if you had passed and know that is what he is sending or trying to send to you and hold it dear - and at the very least know you are not alone in this we are all grieving and understand on our own levels your pain.

He didn’t forget to say goodbye Nikkey, as Carla Fine said, “There Was No Time to Say Goodbye”. *sigh