Quote:
Originally Posted by hollym
Those of you who have been through this process before, tell me what you did when your loved started sleeping all the time. She sleeps so much, but can still wake up for periods of time. I feel kind of lost for what I'm supposed to do. Sometimes I just sit in there, other times I just keep checking on her to see if she is awake, then sometimes I go in and wake her up.
I feel guilty waking her up, but sometimes I have to give her medicine and sometimes I just want to see how she is doing. I feel guilty sometimes just letting her sleep because I feel like I'm ignoring her and should be doing something else with her, but I don't know what.
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Hi Holly:
I was with my friend (age 57) when she was at the end stages of her life. I went there knowing she would not recognize me. Her 82 year old mother was standing in front of her bed and she just spoke to her. Then she administered morphine from a little dropper. I gather she was authorized to do this. My friend would just whimper a bit in her sleep but she never woke up. They had a hospital bed put downstairs in the living room and her friends would drop in from time to time (I mean the friends who were able to see her this way), Some of them couldn't take it.
I never thought of not going. I knew her mother needed the support and I just took the Access-a-ride bus and took myself over there.
Our friendship began over 20 years ago, and when she became a grandma, she would watch the kids on Tuesday. So I went there every single tuesday, and I would take the 3 month old, and she would have the 2 year old, and we played choo choo and all sorts of great stuff that babies and toddlers love to do. I had other friends living on that block, and they too were grandmas, so we'd have grandma day. Since I wasn't a grandma, I was able to be a PRETEND GRANDMA for the day. Best experience I ever had.
But my friend became ill, and it lasted over 2 years. We still got together and did our shopping.
That last day I was with her, I held her hand and spoke to her and I know that in her mind, she heard me.
HOW DO I KNOW?? Listen to this. Every single week, (on a Friday), she would pick me up, we'd go out, have dinner, go to a movie and then we'd go to THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN, which is a GIGANTIC PRODUCE STORE.
We'd buy our stuff, she'd bring me home, and we would speak during the week. BUT EVERY WEEK, we would do the THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN, shopping expedition.
So years went by, she became ill, and then, one day, she left us.
So one night, I was traveling home from a doctor's visit in New York City. It's quite a trip from New York City to where I live in Brooklyn.
I was thinking of my friend and I started to talk to her in my mind. I said "Gee, Elaine, I do miss you, I miss all our trips, I miss Grandma day, I really miss your friendship. I then nodded off (I was on the Access-a-ride Van.
Well, the van abruptly stopped at a red light. I opened my eyes, and
WHERE DO YOU THINK THE VAN WAS STOPPED IN FRONT OF???
THREE GUYS FROM BROOKLYN Produce Store.
I just looked straight up in the air and said "Hi Elaine. thanks for thinking of me too".
Swear to god, this actually happened. I get goosebumps when I think of it.
What are the odds that that van would stop (on that particular day), on that particular trip, when I was thinking of my friend Elaine,
THAT ...THE VAN WOULD STOP IN FRONT OF THAT PARTICULAR STORE??
I mean, what are the odds.
No, no odds, In my mind, it happened for a reason.
So continue to speak to your grandma, tell her you lover her. And let her sleep if that is what she is doing.
Love, Melody