Thanks everyone! I do hope that someday I can look at this experience as a positive thing, but right now I am struggling to remember what things were like when everything was OK. This is hard. I just hope I have made all of the right decisions for her. I don't want any "what ifs" but I keep having them anyway.

I play everything over and over again in my mind and I don't really think I could have done anything differently. I guess I have to just remember that I have trusted God through this, so how can I question that?

It's funny if I look back to the first post, I was scared about bringing her home and now I feel like it has really been surprisingly easy in so many ways. I wish I had brought her home sooner! I just really wanted to try to get her stronger through the skilled nursing, though.

I was really questioning whether or not we tried hard enough to get her stronger, but her heart wasn't into it. The other day I kept thinking that we gave up on her, but I guess we didn't. She made the decision to stop chemo and she did not want to do any more PT or OT. It wasn't my place to force her. I guess I really did do exactly what she wanted me to do. I brought her home and am letting her do whatever she wants.

When I brought her home, I thought we would be able to get her up in a chair to be with us in the living room, but she really never had the strength to sit up for long. So, I just let her be in bed and we reposition her frequently. I feel so badly that she has pressure sores and for awhile was blaming myself for not moving her more, but she is so thin and is just bones on skin, so the sores really were inevitable. We just keep her comfortable with repositioning her, pillows, the air mattress that hospice brought in, and pain meds.

Today, her eyes are so glassy looking. She looks so far away. I hope she is seeing something wonderful out there wherever she is looking...