Good morning BJ. Nice to wake up to a post from you. ((((BJ)))

I do understand about the stages. When our son Michael killed himself I was furious...I raged at God, "Why MY son?" I was furious with Michael for making this decision....I was furious with my husband because he was supposed to protect our family and I felt that he had failed. Most of all I was angry at myself....I thought we were so close, that I knew him so well and I had no clue that he was depressed....I knew he had a bad cold.

Hours before he put that gun to his head, I had talked to him, invited him over for chili but he said no, he had a cold and was just going to "chill out". My last words to him were "I love you" and he said I love you too Mom. (for all the good it did)

Years later, when our Pastor asked me to become an Elder for our church I told him of my anger at God...of my raging at him. He said that when his Dad died of cancer...he went outside and shook his fists at the heavens...he said,
it only proves that we are human.

We all grieve differently BJ. The most important work is to try to move thru it and not get stuck in one of the stages. I refused to talk about Michael to anyone but my husband and that is not a good thing.

Acceptance was a VERY long time coming in my case and that included forgiving Micahel. And those stages come and go...you can think you've worked thru one and the dang thing comes back at you. Some one compared them to waves of grief and that's pretty accurate I think.

You can do this BJ....it's a long journey but you'll learn alot about yourself and your Mom on the trip. (((BJ)))