and the good news is that I no longer have to, at least quite as often.

Hello to you! I see you are up at this hour also. It's 3am here in Western Pennsylvania.
Having a strange night myself.

You know, BlueMajo, I've wasted the better part of my lifetime so far by pondering all the WHY's that exist. One of my earliest memories is standing on my grandmother's porch in the darkness, and looking up the sky and crying because I didn't understand anything; felt like I just didn't belong; was out of sync with everyone else... all alone and lonely. I must have been about 7??

Anyway, I was too serious for my own good, always, and as my Mother told me when I was about 11: "Nancy, you are your own worst enemy!" Of course I didn't have a clue what that meant, but I recall the words.

I'll get to the point because I can babble on like a champ. I even babble about babbling to my husband. lol.

As a newer Christian, my journey has been difficult because I needed to understand things. I have struggled but never lost my faith. Well, I don't know if this will help you, but I recently read a book entitled, "The Shack" by Wm. Paul Young. It's about a man's spiritual journey told in a metaphor (not sure that's exactly correct). I ABSOLUTELY lOVE THIS BOOK and have given away lots of copies. My husband is passing it around at work. After reading this unique, unexpected story of faith, my own heart/soul was touched- very deeply. It changed me. I no longer wonder about all those 'whys' you mentioned. I have no desire because I DO understand that we can't possibly understand! (Boy, that's a mouth full.) In other words and simply put, I am at peace with my Faith and my God for the first time in my life and it's FABULOUS.

I hope you find something that will quell the restless spirit within, and find peace & harmony. Keep looking, praying... it will come to you when you don't expect it. God loves you and I do too. Nancy

PS my 'name' pearl girl is a reference to my spiritual awakening... not the kind found in shells... (It's a looooooong story.) I'm still a bit shy about posting..