Hi Jen and welcome to our family. I'm on vacation so don't have easy access to a computer but wanted to check in and found your post.
We lost our only son to suicide about 19 years ago and it changed our family forever...I wasn't sure we'd all survive it but we did. YOu say you have a large family....please don't put them through this nightmare.

At the top of the forum are some stickies...I copied one for you...

What to do if you are alone and thinking about suicide.
Sit down and breathe deeply. Breathe deeply again and again.

Turn on the lights or open a door or window.

Pick up the phone and call a friend, even if you have to call collect. Talk to the operator
if you don't have strength to dial the number.

Say your name out loud. Say your friends' names out loud. Repeat and combine these
names with your name.

Cry, even if it means weeping bitterly. Scream; "God, why am I in such despair? Why
did you do this to me? Tell me why."

Pray. Say: "God, help me. Please give me a reason to live."

Touch yourself. Feel the rapid beating of your heart.

Turn on the television, radio, or stereo.

Close your eyes and think about The Wizard of Oz or chocolate ice cream or giraffes.

Get out a photo album and look at the pictures of your family and friends.

If you have a pet, pick it up and hold it tightly.

When you have the strength, get out from where you are. Go to the movies.
Go to the shopping mall. Go to a neighbor's or a friend's house. If you
are afraid to drive, run as fast as you can for as long as you can.

Get yourself to where there are people.

****************

Staying alone in your room is not a good idea but talking about what you are feeling is.....you'll find a lot of caring people here. Please stay strong and remember that suicide isn't the answer..it's a "forever decision".