Hi Jen,
I'm so sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Actually the most difficult time for me in my life was in my 20's really. I just didn't feel that I belonged anywhere. Thankfully that changed and by the time I was in my late 20's early 30's, I'd found a lot of joy and peace that I didn't ever think I would find.

You mention wanting to quit taking your medications and quit seeing your counsellor because you feel you're wasting her time. Quoting your message here "I feel there are so many more people out there much more important than me, and have a better chance than I do".

Frankly, this is just my suggestion, but I wouldn't change anything at all for now especially if you're in a crisis.

If you feel the meds aren't helping, then go talk with the prescribing doctor, but please don't just stop taking them suddenly as that might make you feel even worse. Maybe your medication needs a change or a tweak, but don't do anything like stopping them cold turkey. Please.

If you feel that you're not getting anywhere with your counsellor you could maybe get in to see someone else but please don't just stop seeing a counsellor altogether. Not yet.

Please confide in your family. If that is totally impossible and I understand what that is like, then confide in a very close friend or another relative that you are close to because you need to let those around you know how desperate you are feeling. If you keep up that "happy face" for your family and friends, then they won't know how to support or comfort you.

Being depressed is not a sign of failure or a sign that you're wasting people's time. It's a sign of fragility and it's very, very common. You aren't wasting anyone's time by reaching out to them for help. It's actually a sign of strength and courage... a good step.