Hi dear Jen....no, your grandmother doesn't want to see you suffer. Feel her wrap her arms around you. Think about how much you love her, and she you, and let that touch your heart. Do you honestly believe she would want you to end your young life right now?? She must have lived through a lot in her own life, and can give you strength. Think on the things that she might have taught you, what would she tell you right now?? How beautiful and strong you are, and how much she loves you? I would bet on it. I know its hard sweet Jen. Please give yourself a little time, and reach out.