Jen, have you heard back from your T? If not you might think about calling them again and letting them know it's urgent you speak with them.

I'm very sorry to read about the terrible pain you feel from losing your grandmother. It does hurt, I know.

You said your grandmother wouldn't want to see you suffer as you are now and that she would want to you be at peace. Yes, I'm sure you're right that she wouldn't want you to suffer, but she would want you to live a long and peaceful life. It is possible.

Just get through this crisis today. Phone your T. Phone a friend... ask them to come be with you. Just for comfort. Just so you know that someone who cares about you is there with you. Are your Dad and stepMom home right now?