I am so sorry. I know when my mom lost her dog which was like her baby it was so hard but with time she can remember the fond memories and all the joy he brought. I hope you in time can do the same. I encouraged my mom though she did not but to go to a support group for people who have lost their pets so I was going to suggest that as well to you. Give yourself time and I hope this won't impact your physical pain too much. Many thoughts