((Mistiis)) Love you bunches too
((Lara)) Thank you so much for posting these articles and sharing your experiences with me. Helps a lot
I don't think your anaology of our brain as a filing cabinet is weird at all! I often say, let me file that lol
You are right, when I truly want to I can find those happy moments. I still clearly, vividly see his smile. The problem is, when I feel those good thoughts, the pain is too much... and I fall apart. Part of it is what the articles describe, but part of it is me intentionally trying not to feel it. I don't allow myself to go there, because I KNOW the pain it will bring.
You know this brought to mind an article my doctor shared with me when he diagnosed me with dangerously low seratonin levels...... He tests my levels every few weeks. The dark thoughts don't come as often as they did.
here is just part of it.... the whole article can be read at
http://www.enotalone.com/article/4116.html
Quote:
Very low levels of Serotonin typically bring people to the attention of their family physician, their employer, or other sources of help. Severe Serotonin loss produces symptoms that are difficult to ignore. Not only are severe symptoms present, but also the brain’s ideation/thinking becomes very uncomfortable and even torturing. When Serotonin is severely low, you will experience some if not all of the following:
· Thinking speed will increase. You will have difficulty controlling your own thoughts. The brain will focus on torturing memories and you’ll find it difficult to stop thinking about these uncomfortable memories or images.
· Escape fantasies will begin. The most common – Hit the Road! The brain will suggest packing up your personal effects and leaving the family and community.
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( I have this thought in my head ALL the time! I just want to get in the car and drive and drive and drive..........)
And this one blows my mind.... amazing and scary ...
Quote:
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· Memory torture will begin. Your brain, thinking at 100 miles an hour, will search your memories for your most traumatic or unpleasant experiences. You will suddenly become preoccupied with horrible experiences that may have happened ten, twenty, or even thirty years ago. You will relive the death of loved ones, divorce, childhood abuse – whatever the brain can find to torture you with – you’ll feel like it happened yesterday.
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