((Lara)) you are so sweet! Such a kind soul Please KNOW you are not being "too hard or blunt with me" What you are doing is sharing your thoughts with a friend in need. And this friend greatly appreciates your wisdom! I post here because I feel safe here.. And I truly do want to heal. I want to learn better coping skills, to learn from those who have traveled this road before me. I WANT your input, and greatly appreciate it

I stopped going to therapy for that very reason. It takes me awhile to get to the meat of what is bothering me, I would get to my breaking point and then the session was over. I was left trying to collect myself, shaking, stumbling, tear soaked face, trying to find my way out of the office. It was too much pain, with not enough help, so I stopped going.

I am aware of myself enough to know that watching my husband losing his long vicious battle to Alzheimer’s most assuredly is playing a role in how difficult my healing is coming. I am grieving two of the most important people in my life. I needed Dad to be here to help me through this, he promised he would be... I know this plays into my anger and abandonment issues.

I am learning so much about life, grief, strength and myself. It hurts, but I hold onto the hope that as with all bad things we must overcome, we will survive and come out better on the other side. Holding onto Hope