Paper work!!!

All this "stuff" accumulates on the breakfast bar, I eventually move it to the nearby couch, then I move it into this huge basket in the lounge - it is overflowing and now too heavy to move. I have 2 small filing cabinets that are full and yes - I am either too scared to throw it out or think that I am not capable of sorting it out. Half of it will just be junk.

I used to have a file for everything and it was all nicely filed - now this feels insurmountable - lovely word that!

My last idea for it was putting it all in a big box and labelling it January 2009 - when ever I deal with it. Maybe 6 monthly boxes is the way to go. I am sure that if I miss paying some bills somebody will let me know!

The meomory issues - I think half the problem is distraction. If I am going to do something and the telephone rings of somebody talks to me the entire idea of what I was going to do is gone - same for when I talk - if something I see or hear interputs me mid sentence then the entire conversation is gone.

I keep finding clothes in my wardrobe that I don't remember buying - I automatically know what I have from pre accident - now 8 years old and past their best but after this time is weird! i.e. if something new is not right their in my face I won't think of using it - same goes for the kitchen. The new husband will say to me "why don't you use my garlic press?" I'll say I never thought of that - simply because it is not there in my "automatic" memory.

Vini I know what you mean by immediate memory - if I ask myself if I have taken my pills straight after taking them all I get is a blank - then I check to see if the water glass is dry or not and have my answer.

Previously when I have said all I want is to be able to stay awake all day as I can cope with the rest - I am sure that nothing has actually repaired in my brain, it is the fact that my survival instincts have taken over and I have learnt so many coping mechanisms - laughing instead of getting annoyed with myself. Also asking myself if anybody else is worried about it - if the answer to that is no I don't have to worry about it.

I write a lot of notes - and forget where I leave them. At least the cats get fed - they get their message across easily - stare then hang around ankles.

My best help is my to do lists. Printed forms with hours of the day down the side in one column, then next the to do column and then the I did column. The 4th psychologist that I saw gave me these she said to write down either the night before or on the morning what I wanted to do then she said only do a 1/3. I get satisfaction from ticking off what I have done and have found that I do actually achieve more - my rest times are always entered on it, my walks, gardening, telephone calls I need to make etc. Also works as a dairy - I can refer back and see if I did make that call etc. I guess it is all about STRUCTURE. Without it I would be thinking "what shall I do now?" and there would be no answer - just a blank aside from the very very obvious.

Gosh I rave.

Melek - are you still working - how are things going there? I have just had a huge mental hurdle - I have lost my registration as a Legal Executive - and I won't get it back either. A lot of tears over this. That with my brother in law dying a month ago has been hard. I find that I just can't deal with things like this any more - like your brain simply no longer has the capacity.

My poor husband comes home from work and tells me about the planning gosh I can't even think of the words - when you are seeing if something is feasible to do - it was what I used to love doing at work anyway for a new retirement village ( he is an accountant and general manager assets/finance for the Methodist Mission) and I will tiredly look at him and say excitedly that I managed to collect the dry cleaning and went to the supermarket. On good days he will have me look at a contract and I can give some decent input. I think he is wondering what he will discover when he comes in the door - fortunately he has a sense of humour. I am so lucky!

And this I had to laugh at. I must have been wearing something a bit strange and my husband (keep in mind that we have only been married 3 years) kindly told me - so I said to him are you saying that you married me for my looks? My son replied - well he didn't marry you for your brain!! See you have to be able to laugh!!

Lynlee