Hey there Majo,
I can't answer your questions about your faith, but I know that when I've been really down and thinking that it's all too hard and lonely to go on, I try to find something to do with myself.

Often I'll go dig in the garden or check out the ocean and realize that there's so much power and beauty out there. Think of all that you've achieved with your studies and your amazing job where you'll be able to do so much in the future to prevent illness or to find an answer to the mysteries of certain diseases.

I know you're sad and lonely and want a family of your own, but those things sometimes come at different times in our lives. We don't all find a partner when we're very young and have a family. The thing is that even after you do find your soul mate, it doesn't mean that is when a life of happiness begins. We need to feel happy and strong before we actually contemplate a family because it's a commitment for life. It's hard work but it is rewarding.

Think to the future if you can. Think of all the good things you can do in your life. One day you may like to travel. There's a whole huge wonderful world of opportunities out here.
Hope you feel happier very soon.
One step at a time.

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I lived just the length of it.

I want to have lived the width of it as well.

~Diane Ackerman~