Jen ,
It is good you are going to see both of those Doctors.
I know many of us have had to see doc after doc until we found one we felt comfortable with and could honestly "talk" to. That makes a HUGE difference.
Honey You would NOT be doing any one including yourself any kind of favor if you "just say good bye" . they are not being ...nice and patient with you ..THEY LOVE YOU nice and patient
comes with Love . and I have to say as I find this a fact even in death people dont let go of you. It has been over 25 years since I lost my dad ..I HAVE NOT LET GO OF HIM AND I NEVER WILL !! Death dose NOT make things easier
I am sorry I must seem like I am a mean insensitive person .I am sorry... you are part of the family here and we are here for each other and I want to help if I can even if it is in a small way.
Please if you are having dark thoughts and ideas call the local suicide help line...keep reaching and fighting.
keep sharing and talking ... we care

prayers for strength and healing to you Jen
PEACE
BMW