It sounds like you are going through a ruff time. I've been there. You can make it.

I'm sending hugs your way. I noooooo how ruff it can get. I'm sending hugs.

There is a verse in Isaiah 41:10. I've got several Bibles around here. The King James Bible says...
Fear thou not;for I am with thee:be not dismayed;for I am
thy God:I will strengthen thee;yea,I will help thee;yea,I will
uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

That is a very powerful verse. This has kept me from sinking many times. I hope that it does the same thing for you Jen. BF