Paula
It is apparent that many people (me included, of course) care a great deal for you and your welfare. Maybe you should ask about DBS. Charlie, I didn't know you were off ALL meds! That's incredible!

All of the "gang" who originally met on BrainTalk forums are moving into the latter stages of Parkinson's. And our greatest problem is we KNOW what's in store for us. I remember telling Morton Kondracke (author of SAVING MILLY and Fox News contributor) that Milly "knew too much about Parkinson's," and that's true about us, also. Right now the best and only way approved in this country to rid ourselves of symptoms and cut down or out the medications that are also killing us, is DBS. What have you got to lose? Justs get evaluated - then we'll all help you thinnk it through. One lady who used to post here (Emily) was a person who researched everything to the tiniest detail before making a decision. She had DBS and last I heard from her was awaiting adjustments, but doing well.

I don't have the energy or time (I hate that word!) anymore to fight like I should. Our biological clock is not only ticking; it's all screwed up! When I read the poem, "The Raven," by Edgar Allen Poe (who was a nut), I can relate. Although most think the poem was about losing his friend, Lenore,, I believe it to be his fear of the future - the unknown within himself.

Quoting a few lines from "The Raven:",*

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'"

We hear the cuckoo bird chirping on the hour and the pendulum swings closer and closer to our necks.
"Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'"

*source: http://www.heise.de/ix/raven/Literat.../TheRaven.html

We want PD to just go away,and it doesn't. BUT, we need to erase that word, "Nevermore" from our vocabulary. Unlike Poe, we shouldnt even attempt to fight this thing alone. Together we can do it. Thanks for spilling your heart here; I know there are many reading thhis that feel just like you do. I hope by readding your words they will say, "Hey - that's me!"

We are sending good vibes and prayers your way. BIG hug!
Peg