Abbie...I'm glad to see you are still hanging in there, but sorry to hear nothing has changed. The question is...do you WANT things to change? Not ONLY for the pain, but for the depression as well? Or even for one or the other?

It's a very well known fact that the mental health and the physical health go hand in hand. If you aren't well MENTALLY, then you feel worse PHYSICALLY. So chances are that if you can get the depression under control, you will feel at least a little better physically. And if you feel soooo bad physically, then even "a little better" is better than nothing, right?

I have a pretty drastic idea for you - but one that will work, and will work quickly. Since your doctor isn't available, you have another choice - and that is the emergency room. I know someone else already suggested this. But if you want to, when you go in, all you have to say is the word "suicidal" and you will get admitted on a suicide watch quicker than you can blink your eyes.

this will serve a couple of purposes. First off, it will get you the attention you need. The attention you deserve. They will not release you until they get under control the things that NEED to be under control. That means they will have you see a physician, as well as a mental health professional. That means they will try every medication they can, in a CONTOLLED environment, until they find one you are not allergic to. That also means they will try the different antidepresants. That also means you will get some counseling from a mental health person who is qualified to counsel chronic pain patients. That also means you may end up staying in the hospital for a while, though. BUT...that also means your parents may open their eyes and realize what you are going thru. As will other friends and family members. Sometimes that's what it takes.

Abbie...if you want people to GET MOVING on helping you, this is exactly what I'd do. It's the "kick in the pants" that they need. That YOU need. In order for people to know how seriously you hurt, nd how bad you feel emotionally, and in order for them to wake up and start taking steps forward to make you feel better, this is the action I would take.

Also...I noticed inyour posts tat you aren't doing anything to make things better for yourself. Sittig in the dark, not talking to friends or family, those things don't help depression. It only makes it worse. If you can get into your head, "I'm going to live...and this is how I'm going to do it" then you'll feel much better. One step FORWARD on your end will give you a whole new outlook on life.

I know it hurts you to ride in a car. But if you endure that pain ONE TIME on a trip to the hospital to get yourself to the ER, to be seen, to tell them you hurt so bad you'd rather DIE than to live one more day the way you are, that you've actually contemplated suicide over the past few days cuz of it....then you will have a group of people - about 4 professionals - mental health, pain docs, physicians, etc - all working together and FOR YOU. IMMEDIATELY.

Doesn't that sound great? I mean...in a matter of ONE WEEKS TIME you could be well on your way to a future of feeling so much better. You cuold have a team of physicians and doctors all working together to make you feel better.

I'd take that over taking my life any day.

Please take care of yourself hon. And hold on to K. Ask her to take you to the ER. I'm sure she'll hold your hand all the way....