((Manda)) I am sorry I am late welcoming you to our family. Welcome
I am also sorry to hear you are having such a tough time right now. But what made me smile was how you can see you are the type of person to not give up. You may get down, we all do, but you keep searching for that silver lining. We are all "works in progress" please be kind to yourself while you blossom into a masterpiece
I can relate to many things you have posted.... trying to remember all I read
. Like ((BMW)) I have TN and ON and other neurological difficulties. I had just turned 31 when I was diagnosed. I had my dream job, friends galore and the love of my family. Life was good. And I was too naive to see it could all change literally over night.
After each failed brain surgery, each failed procedure, each new hope dashed.... slowly but surely all my friends stopped calling and coming to see me. There wasn't a cure, I wasn't going to get better, there was nothing they could do to help me. I think, after awhile, it was just too much for them, too depressing. I don't have any resentments now, but at the time it hurt like hell.
My husband has Alzheimer's, in the beginning he still knew people, but repeated himself over and over and over. Once again, I saw life long friends - pull away. It is so hard to see, but for him, for the injustice of it, I do hold resentments against them. Right or wrong... I do.
. I know in time, I will let go of those resentments. I do believe most people are kind and do the best they can with what they have.
Friends, they come and go. Some stay forever, hang onto them and appreciate them for they gift they are. . I think you are right to follow the advice from all our wise members..loving yourself is key. Be the best friend you can to yourself.
My mom has a saying I like.... "No matter where you go, there you are." It isn't the people, the friends, the boyfriends, spouses .... who make us "ok". We have to be comfortable in our own skin. There just is no running away from you...I know I tried
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I looked at your pictures, they are beautiful! Your picture of you and your Dad and your post about him...made me cry.
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ABBIE thanks for the comments on my pictures. I know that if I ever hurt myself, those people in the pics would be hurt so much more. I could never do it to them. But some days, it's so tempting.....SO tempting. Today was one of those days. And then my dad called me....and I started to cry as soon as I hung up. I see his face in pain, and it destroys me and I know I have to live another 24 hours
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My Dad took his life last March.
I can't begin to describe the pain his death has brought to me and my family, to all who loved him. I do know it is hard sometimes to talk to family, I know we sometimes feel they just won't "get it" Or perhaps we even feel we would be a burden to them if we shared our true thoughts. Speaking for myself, I would have given anything to have helped my Dad hang on. I think it is safe to say, your family feels the same way about you.
((Mandy)) It takes great courage to talk about our private pain. It took guts for you to post and share your feelings with us. THANK YOU for giving us the chance to support you
I truly look forward to getting to know more about you.
Keep talking Mandy Best of luck at your new job today!
Nikki