Hey, Manda!
Just my two-cents-worth, but there usually really is a lot of life laying around for those who can see it! I know I've been in the mud enough times to be blinded by it completely, but the tears do wash the muck away, and can make us see rainbows! Sounds corny, I know, but I've seen it happen! I hope only the best for you, and especially that you learn to love yourself again!
Richie