Your choice is either to accept the ruling, or to follow Mike's friendly, helpful suggestions, as well as your other buddies on NT.
Ending your life is not a choice,nor an option; however, it is a selfish act.
Why cave in and make life easier on the X? Fight!
You are so much stronger than you realize, and as a friend, I am reminding you that your LIFE makes a difference to those in contact with you. I don't believe you are a selfish person and I am sure many on NT and those that visit you at your home, would agree with me.
Sincerely,