((Manda)) Thank you

Today was a hard one. I had a garden stake made for Dad for Father's Day.... I wanted to bring it up early as I am not sure I will find the strength to go on Sunday. I had told my step Mom that I would come up to show it to her before I went to his grave.

His house....... his empty chair. Mom has tried soooooooo hard to rearrange the house in the hope it would make visiting again easier. She changed the table, moved the chairs, but no matter what you do.......his absence lingers everywhere. *sigh

The ramp. I know there will always be so many questions left unanswered. I know I need to find a way to come to some semblance of peace, that these whys and what ifs .. will never be answered. But it is so damn hard!

I asked Mom today, why there! 40 acres of land, of all the places, why there? Why our special spot? Why ruin that for me?

She stopped my tears mid stream with the shock of her reply. "It was his special spot too dear, yours and his together.............of all the places, where else would he choose?" .........................

Well hell. We talked a long time........ Consumed in my own selfish pain, I could not see what was obvious to others..... It was his special spot too, ours together...... I left feeling one why had been answered.

I asked if I could plant flowers there, yellow roses........ it is my hope to one day replace the horrific images in my mind.......winters I fear will always be hard for me, I am not sure I can ever get that image out of my mind.

The Rose, has always been one of my favorite songs....
Just remember, in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lie the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring, becomes the rose

Perhaps planting our special flowers there will help.............

It was hard going to his grave, but this time I felt connected ... it is hard to explain..........

This is the memorial I had made for him.......... thanks for letting me share with all of you