hello one and all, I have sat about the last few weeks feeling a bit guilty on how i have abandoned NT, I am sorry. I had to do some serious soul searching after a bad episode with steroids, at least thats what i hope it was and not a stray schizophrenic gene... yeah it was that bad of a freak out,.... back in oct i was first put on the roids and was on them through march except a two week period and a one week period and that was preds and suda's, unfortunately my iv dose of suda went well the step down however did not they put me on preds for the step down and i had from what both docs say a steroid induced psychosis. yeah that or i got schiz genes hidden, and that is what scares me, my son may have it from his mom and i lived with her for almost ten years so am familiar with it and yeah it scares the hell out of me. only thing that helps is no one one my moms side has it and was able to contact bio father and no one has it on his side and no on his side has MS i found out too.

so where the hell have I been, hiding on facebook and not just hiding but keeping my day occupied with senseless applications and games, which to me is better than dwelling on the blahs of MSbs. see back in november i knew i was getting depressed and even posted a few comments about the welcome committee on the special forum for the ones who welcome, it was just a horrible winter and there were so many bad luck breaks out there and i just get too attached and want to help everyone all the time and cant and it pains me to read some of the bad stories and issues folks have to go through and it got to me, and I even asked curious to remove me because i saw it was dragging me down and this was in dec, and then like i said i freaked out on the step down and it cost me dearly and almost cost me more, as it is i lost total respect of two dear people who i will miss dearly and i lost the respect of my wife that night. I still have no answers other than i flipped out. like i was possessed and it was not pretty thats for sure.

I just feel i owe everyone an explanation, especially to those who helped me so much and who i care for deeply and miss a lot. Face book for me is good, because even on there i am helping other MSers out i have a new friend in germany with ms two more wait three more in aussie land (oz) one in one in omen and one in England and a few more in the states, but i limit my helping because that is one of the reasons i vacated NT, i felt if i couldn't even figure out what happened to me the night i flipped and i should not be offering advice to others. im sure many can understand that. I am sorry that i abandoned some of you and am sorry if my sardonic humor could of been used to make you smile, but as i said felt i was last person to be saying anything to anyone. I miss many of you a lot and i mean that. I hope this finds many of you doing well and can not make up for lost time but will try to swing on by more often and say howdy howdy, i am also waiting on a friend who does beautiful dye dye work she is trying to make me an MS sucks tye dye if it turns out nice i will post a pic, love you folks a lot... yall mean the world to me and again I am sorry


Peace