I read your post the other day and its contents have stayed with me for quite a while. Your openness, honesty and straight forwardness is greatly appreciated, things very difficult to write about. I do see some similarities, some differences but thank you for writing.

I have been a church organist/pianist for over 30 years and have witnessed quite a bit in those years. The things I have seen have been the most evil of things I have ever witnessed. I was recently diagnosed with Chiari malformation, a birth defect as I term it, which affects the cerebellum area of the brain responsible for coordination, balance issues. One Sunday morning on my way to the organ, was hugging the wall as I tried to walk. A church member witnessed my stumbling and asked me “Don’t you think it is a bit early to be drinking?” Gave up drinking some 15 years earlier, but learned that one needs to have all the facts before opening the mouth.

Later I worked at a governing body of the Presbyterian church, the denomination in which I was raised. There I was accused of lying, cheating, stealing, misrepresenting the truth, the facts and a host of other things. This whole event in my life could easily take up a chapter or two in a book. All of the accusations were unfounded but had to deal with them. And the majority of accusations came from many of the 230 ministers I had to work with. In retrospect there were about 5 ministers who I think were what they claimed to be, ministers of the Word and Truth.

I have also learned that the church is not the place we believe, think, or taught it is. People that attend church, for the most part, work all week under strict behavioral rules and regulations to produce for their employer. Then they attend church where the restrictions are lifted and these folks, for the most part, think that they can do, say, anything on their mind, the weekly restrictions are lifted here, so have had to deal with those issues. Being a PK, you may know of this.

Needless to say, with so many things I have witnessed, I questioned my approach to God, how am I supposed to do this? God has taught me one thing; it is OK to approach Him in the most comfortable way for us to achieve this. Theologians, church gurus and others have made our paths to God difficult with their church tenants, thoughts, beliefs, denominational structures. The path to God is easy and simple, to love Him as He loves us, unconditionally.

And I have questioned the “whys”. Several years ago I played organ for a service to the Witness of Resurrection, (a funeral) when a mother and father were burying another child of theirs lost to death. The mother approached me after the service and claimed, this is not how it is supposed to happen, I should be going first, not them. She continued by saying that when the day comes and she stands before God, she will tell Him to sit down and talk to her, because she will have a hell of a lot of questions and expects the answers. But the “whys” I have placed into a mental file labeled “Mysteries of Life” and try my best to not go there. These answers will not come in our lifetime.

I read recently that we all have been dealt a hand of cards called life. We should not expend our energies on questioning this or that card, but should be working on how to play the hand given to us. I have no control over yesterday, have very little control over tomorrow, but I can do a lot about right now, the present. And this is the place where I try to live, right now.

Peace, be yours as you continue on your journey. You have touched so many and will continue to speak to many more.

David