i think sometimes our partner needs to have someone they can just be themselves around. that makes it rough on the partner when being himself is all raw edges. try telling yourself he needs to take this out on someone, and i will let it wash around me and down the drain. sometimes these visuals help us. also, go ahead and cry, and tell him how you feel. you need to let stuff out too.

my brother has a technique for when he is in a fight with my sil. he smiles and says i love you. my sil wants to clobber him at that point. anyway, sometimes you catch flies with honey, and sometimes you catch someone throwing something at you.

i can see some of the traits you describe in your dh in my 88 yr old dad. his memory is slipping, and he also says things and later says he didn't say them. i think the language is getting mixed up between the brain and the mouth. strangely that happens to me sometimes too. the funny thing is he will take suggestions from strangers and disregard things close family advises him.

anyway, if you go throught the big D, i hope it is Dallas.